Sharing (Part 2)
(Giving credit: Most of these posts are the result of a series of very long conversations with my dear friends and fellow artists who are walking with me through similar feelings and discovery. This post is mainly due to several such talks with my dear friend Kenneth Scott Peters. Kenneth is a tremendous songwriter and musician and a very creative solver of so many creative conflicts. You can find him on Twitter @KSPmusic or at kennethscottpeters.com)
Ok. Here’s what I think I mean.
I confess that I’m in a place where I rely on others for instant gratification (by way of their “experiencing” my “art” - please read “consuming my products” for now). This puts me in a very peculiar position as an artist. I’ve become trapped in a cycle wherein I must have the approval of others for the following three things:
1. Validation as a (real) artist. If no one comes to experience my creations then I am not a valid artist in this current “system” to which I adhere. And this certainly has levels of depth (5 people at a show still looks like failure - but that number can be entirely arbitrary; it’s really whatever number I feel gratified by on a given night). Left to itself this can spiral out of control on its own, without the other two factors.
2. An efficient means of income. I must produce things (we call them art) for people to consume and provide me with legitimate income. This means I play shows because I need money; I make records so that I have something to sell at the show to make more money; I take on extra design projects because money is tight and these can also help me make more records and play more shows…. You get the point.
3. Success measured in quantity. This one is the scariest thing for me to talk about, because the solution doesn’t feel any better than the problem. It feeds very much off the first two symptoms, but is in itself a vicious tyrant. When I measure my success as an artist in dollars or crowd numbers or followers or fans, everything I do must be aimed at getting more of any of those things. There is no “end game”. There is no goal. There is no real achievement because I’m not ever really achieving anything. I am a factory, producing more and more in order to obtain more and more. This possibility/reality frightens me to death.
This is entirely an issue of motivation. I’m in this spiral not because I’m motivated by the work of creating because I’m a creator, but because I have a drive to succeed - in a very universal and non-specific sense. And since my validation comes from those around me (my “followers”), I allow them to be the rubric by which I determine my success - they’re constantly re-setting the bar.
Have you ever noticed how no one celebrates a band who sell 20,000 copies of a record? For most, that would be a tremendous success. Absolutely unheard of for the vast majority of musicians. But not in our system. We’ve conditioned ourselves to only celebrate “real” success. 1 million copies. We’re the ones creating the system that has enslaved us.
This doesn’t mean I can’t make a living making art. (That’s not what I’m talking about at all.) And it doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t promote my creation and engage others to experience it (because I have no other avenue of sharing anything without others to share it with.)
It means I must turn my focus away from “producing” things for others to “consume”. That in no way means I stop making art. Instead, it means that the creative process becomes the success for me. That’s for me to enjoy. Others get to enjoy the finished creation that I share with them. And it’s all about sharing. It’s not about giving to get back. It’s not about turning them into dollar signs or followers. I must share because I love creating. Because it is my calling to share. Because without sharing nothing about art makes any sense to me.
So I need to hear from you. What does it mean to you to share your art instead of producing consumables?
Sharing vs. producing/performing/displaying
Performing or displaying art is vastly different from sharing our creations. The distinction is almost entirely in our motivations as artists, but is also greatly affected by how we participate in consumer culture.
More on this later, but I’d love to hear your thoughts…
In the desert, you can’t remember your name…
You’re creative. It’s your job to be creative. And people are waiting. Deadlines are approaching. But you’re dry, lost in the void with no sign of relief for miles. Not a drop of creativity to be found.
That’s how I got here.
And I wandered around in this desert for a long time. Unsure of everything. Doubtful of my calling, my abilities, or the fact that I would ever create anything again. And I was having the same conversation with other creatives. I had nothing.
And then…epiphany. At least that’s what it felt like.
I hate my creative process. I am completely disillusioned with the act of creating anything. This is a problem for me because I make my living off of my ability to be creative - musically and visually - all week long.
It took a very long time to reach this conclusion. And I’d love to say that the result of my moment of discovery was punctuated with a succinct solution. It was not.
I realize now that the reason for my creative coma (caused by my disdain for the my creative process) is my need for instant gratification. I lost my ove for creating because I did not instantly experience the gratification of the “result”. This seems completely foolish now (and very simple) but the truth is, all I wanted were finished creations and reactions to those creations. I refused to love the process of creating.
As artists, it becomes very easy to live for the gratification that we receive from those who experience our art. They did not experience the process of creating the art. That joy is meant for us. When I refuse to love the creative process, I miss the entire point.
I am supposed to create because the creation is in me. I’m not supposed to do it because I want gratification from others. That’s not the way this works.
When I forget to love creating, I become far less of a creator. I become merely a producer, with no regard for what I create as long as there is adulation. I end up in the desert solely of my own volition: I put myself here because I forgot who I am.
And now I’m finding my way out. And that’s what this blog is about.
So, where are you?
